First, Not Last
Guard your heart above all else,
for it determines the course of your life. Proverbs 4:23
Guard your heart, young man. I cannot recall just how many times I heard that saying over the years. Typically, it was regarding relationships with young women. However, as I grew older, the meaning of that phrase has expanded to other things such as desires for riches, valuing certain principles, and again, relationships. Even in the workplace, there are certain things that are focused on the heart. In fact, one of my favorite books that talks about discernment between the head and the heart speaks of heart matters like the elephant, because of how big and strong it is.
Having said all this, it is reasonable to believe that the heart is a big deal. Yet one might be led to believe that the heart is not a good thing. For example, Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Even Jesus said, “For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, lustful desires, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness. All these vile things come from within; they are what defile you.” So, the heart cannot be good, right?
Wrong. There are reasons God values our heart. Guarding our heart is not about fearing its poor judgment or evil intent. It is about knowing its potential to show love, compassion, and sincerity. It is about stewarding it both carefully and intentionally and letting God into our hearts. Ezekiel 36:26 is a prime example of this saying, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”
If we are honest, most of us know how quickly a heart can harden. It does not usually happen all at once. It happens through small disappointments, repeated frustrations, and unresolved hurts. A harsh comment lingers. A betrayal goes unanswered. An injustice feels personal. Over time, protection turns into distance, and distance quietly becomes bitterness.
That is why Scripture tells us, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23). What lives in our hearts eventually shows up in our words, our reactions, and the way we treat people. When anger takes root, it colors how we see others. When resentment grows, it narrows our capacity to show grace.
But God’s invitation is not simply to suppress negative feelings. His work is deeper than just simple behavior management. He replaces hardness with sensitivity. He reshapes our inner posture so that love becomes the rule rather than our exception.
The apostle Paul describes this transformation clearly: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:31–32). Notice the order. We release what poisons the heart so something better can take its place.
This does not mean ignoring wrongs or pretending hurt does not matter. Choosing love is not a weakness. It is the strength of Christ in control. It is the decision to refuse to let someone else’s actions determine the condition of your heart.
In a world that often rewards outrage and division, a heart shaped by love stands out. When others expect retaliation, it offers patience. When conversations turn harsh, it responds with calm. When it would be easier to withdraw, it leans toward compassion.
Jesus made this the standard for His followers: “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you!” (Matthew 5:44) That command is not about approving harmful behavior. It is about protecting our hearts from becoming hardened by it.
The truth is simple but challenging. Hate does more damage to the one carrying it than to the one receiving it. Love, on the other hand, keeps the heart soft, open, and aligned with the life God is shaping within us.
Guarding your heart, then, is not about building walls. It is about choosing what you allow to take root. Each day offers small decisions whether to rehearse an offense or release it, to assume the worst or extend grace, and to let frustration grow or ask God to reshape your response. A heart formed by God will not be perfect, but it will be responsive. It will notice when bitterness starts to grow. It will return quickly to forgiveness. And over time, love will become less of an effort and more of a reflex.
If you find your heart growing heavy or guarded, you are not alone. The invitation of Ezekiel still stands. God does not ask you to fix your heart. Let us be open to His offers to renew it. Where has your heart begun to harden toward someone or something? What hurt, frustration, or disappointment might God be inviting you to release? What would choosing love in that situation look like this week?
My prayer is to “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” (Psalm 51:10) That He replaces what is heavy with His compassion and grace, and shape in our hearts so that love becomes our first response, not last. Amen.