Reflection
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. — Ephesians 5:25–28 (NLT)
My marriage is probably a bit odd to people looking on the outside. We often fuss about the smallest things, and we often frustrate each other when one side does not see things the way we believe it should be. However, the words that best describe my relationship with my wife is quite simply … fun. We have so much fun together that there are no less than four or five times daily that we laugh or tease each other. It reminds me of the vows we took where Ephesians 5:31 says, “As the Scriptures say, ‘A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’” I always feel that way about her such that I always call her my better half.
At church, we have been going over a series about Christian men. While I understand the struggle and challenges that have been presented to them, I look forward to meeting the expectations of what God asks of me. As such, nothing means more to me than being a good husband to my wife. There are many who focus on the opening salvo in Ephesians 5 where the woman’s obligation in a marriage is outlined — the call to submit to their husbands. While this is true, many Christian men get it wrong by using that as a weapon rather than a responsibility. Paul clearly outlines this in the verses that follow. It is often where we have failed not only in our marriage but also in sharing God’s word with society. We spend too much time focusing on what others need to do and not enough on what God instructs us to do.
When Paul speaks to men, he doesn’t call for control. He calls for sacrifice. The model for Christian marriage is not power, but passion that gives itself away freely. Jesus did not dominate the Church. He died for her. He didn’t demand loyalty. He earned it through relentless, servant-hearted love. Loving our wives “as Christ loved the Church” means leading with compassion, humility, and patience, even when it costs us comfort or pride.
In a world that measures love by feelings and convenience, God goes further defining it by commitment. Christ’s love was not fleeting or conditional. It was enduring, redemptive, and cleansing. For husbands, that means showing up not only when it’s easy but especially when it’s hard. When your wife feels unseen, listen. When she’s overwhelmed, carry the weight with her. When disagreements rise, as they have with Loretta and me, love her through grace, not grudges.
Marriage, in its purest form, is meant to mirror the relationship between Christ and His Church. That means our role as husbands is to protect, nourish, and cherish, not because our wives are weaker, but because they are deeply worthy of the same tender care Christ gives to us. Every time we choose understanding over winning, or prayer over pride, we fulfill the sacred obligation that Paul describes.
Society often portrays marriage as a 50-50 partnership, saying “You do your part, and I’ll do mine.” But Paul’s vision is far deeper. It is not about keeping score. It is about out-loving one another. The husband’s charge is 100-100. Christ didn’t love halfway. He gave everything.
That level of devotion requires a radical kind of humility. It asks men to see leadership not as privilege but as responsibility. It means putting her needs ahead of our own, even when we’re tired, distracted, or frustrated. It means apologizing first when conflict comes, not because we are always wrong, but because reconciliation matters more than being right.
Love like this confuses the world and it should. It goes against the culture. It points people not to us but to Jesus, whose example transforms ordinary marriage into extraordinary ministry. A husband’s love becomes a living sermon that preaches grace louder than words ever could.
There are still days when we fail to listen, when irritation overtakes patience, when selfishness clouds judgment. Yet even in our imperfection, Christ’s love remains our compass. The same Savior who washed the disciples’ feet and bore the weight of our sin gives us daily chances to start again.
That’s the beauty of grace. It meets us in our weakness and reminds us that holiness is not perfection but persistence. Every time we choose to forgive or to serve when we don’t feel like it, we’re practicing the kind of love Paul wrote about: a love that sanctifies both husband and wife.
One of the most profound parts of Paul’s message is the connection between loving our wives and loving ourselves. “For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.” This isn’t self-help psychology; it’s divine truth. When we love our wives well, we cultivate peace within our own souls. Our homes become places of refuge instead of rivalry. Our children grow up learning what unconditional love looks like. Our marriages become testimonies to the healing power of Christ-like love.
Every moment of kindness, every gentle word, every patient response reflects the cleansing and renewing power of God’s Word in action. The world doesn’t need more men who demand respect. It needs men who demonstrate love, and when we do, the respect, joy, and unity we desire flow naturally from hearts aligned with Christ’s purpose. This is not about one side above or better than the other. It is about both sides united in Christ where two does mean one. This week, take one intentional step toward sacrificial love. Maybe it’s putting away your phone at dinner. Maybe it’s speaking words of affirmation before offering advice. My favorite is simply praying with your wife. Not making it about her, but with her.
Remember, leadership in marriage isn’t about who gets the last word. It’s about who’s willing to love first. When you love your wife as Christ loves the Church, you don’t lose authority — you gain intimacy, trust, and joy. You become a living example of God’s design, one that the world desperately needs to see.
Where in your marriage have you been tempted to lead through pride instead of love? How might you surrender that area to Christ? What is one act of service or kindness you can offer your spouse this week that reflects Jesus’ sacrificial love? My prayer is that as men, we may love our spouses with the same heart that Christ has for His Church selflessly, joyfully, and without condition, so that our marriages become a reflection of His redeeming grace. Amen.