Watch Your Mouth

Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity.  Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone. (Colossians 4:5–6) 

How many of you had parents or grandparents who warned you about the things you said?  Well, I had both.  In fact, I had aunts, uncles, and even a big brother who drilled it into my head to heed what I said.  My grandmother, who spoke slowly but with an authority that could only come with wisdom, would give me a stern but caring look, "Now Kent?  You … you better watch your mouth."  And I would never fail to acknowledge her.  The funny thing is I may not have said anything.  It could have been a look I gave before I even opened my mouth.  But respect for her and my parents kept me in check, and in many cases, kept me quiet in my early years.  Not because I didn't have something to say.  Simply to watch, learn, and listen so that when I was supposed to speak, it was with the careful touch molded by the upraising of generations that were well established in the church. 

The problem is that emotion moves faster than wisdom.  And words released in anger rarely stay in the room where they were spoken.  James knew this well: 

People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue.  It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison.  Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God.  (James 3:7–9) 

His words are not to imply we are incapable of controlling our tongue.  He is to give warning that we must grow spiritually to ensure we speak as God's personal representatives. 

Paul's instruction to the Colossians was not about manners.  It was a missional calling. When he writes that our conversation should be gracious and attractive, the Greek word for gracious is Charis — the same root as grace itself.  He is not asking us to be pleasant.  He is asking us to carry the character of Christ into every exchange.  That is a different standard entirely. 

It is also the hardest standard to meet when we feel most justified in our anger.  This happens when a colleague dismisses us, trust is broken, or a decision is made without us.  Those are the moments the tongue moves before the Spirit does.  Paul is not writing to people who have never been provoked.  He is writing to people who have and calling them to respond differently than the world expects. 

There is a space between what we feel and what we say.  It is small and easy to skip, but it is where grace lives.  My grandmother understood that.  She was not coaching me on social skills.  She was shaping my character, one careful pause at a time.  Some would call it Emotional Intelligence, but it is another layer of spiritual growth.  The words you release into the world carry your name long after you have left the room.  A word spoken with grace costs almost nothing.  A word spoken in anger can cost everything.  The person who speaks with consistent grace becomes the voice others trust, who steadies a room, who gets invited back.  That is favor.  Not manufactured.  Earned. 

Is there a relationship where your words have done more damage than you intended?  What would it look like to speak into it with grace this week? 

When you are most tempted to respond quickly and sharply, what is driving that impulse and what would the pause cost you? 

My prayer is that God would guard our mouths and hearts, knowing one follows the other.  Teach us to pause before we speak and to carry Your grace into the moments when our instincts want to carry something else.  Let our words reflect who You are.  Not a record of how I feel.  Amen.